You can't control the cards you're dealt...

There are many times in life a person may wonder "why me?"  We are all dealt cards in life that may not seem fair, and may be difficult cards to play in this game of life.  I didn't choose to have my sister die at a young age or to lose my son at 3 1/2 months old, but the fact of the matter is, we don't get to choose the cards we are dealt...we can only determine how we play the hand.

After my son died I could have curled up in a ball in my bed and been miserable...(which I did for a while).  I didn't get out much or talk to many people, but I came to the realization that mourning and being sad for the rest of my life wasn't going to solve my problems...and it most certainly wasn't going to bring my son back.  I had another little blessing on the way, and it was my job to make a good life not only for her, but for myself.  I had several stumbles along the way and had to make a lot of very hard decissions regarding who was going to stay in my (our) life/lives and who had to go.  Fortunately, even though God handed me this very difficult card, he also gave me the strength and the knowledge to play it in a way that would not only help me cope, but to come out a happier, stronger individual.  I am a true believer in that "The will of God will not take you where the Grace of God will not keep you". 

I have also learned that the "how you play the hand" part is very vital in the outcome of your life.  If I had not played the cards I was dealt in the way that I did, my life would be drastically different than it is today, and not in a good way. 

You may wonder why people who endure such tragedy are some of the happiest people you encounter.  To some it may seem that they are "heartless", it may seem like the tragedy hasn't effected them, but most of the time, the reality is that they have decided to take the "cards" they were dealt and play them in such a way to not only change their lives, but the lives of others they come in contact with. 

The next time you are handed a "card" you are certain is going to make you lose the "game", don't give up...take a look at the rest of your "hand", and make the most of what you've got!  You may have worse "cards" than a lot of people, but if you play them right, you just may win the game!   

First time for everything...

Well, as I type this I am currently laying on my king size bed in my Stoney Creek hotel room in Des Moines.  It is my last night here (with one day of training left tomorrow), and I must say I am very ready to go home.  I had to leave on Monday due to the weather possibly being icky Tuesday morning for travel, and I was not pleased that I had to do that as it was the first time I was going to leave my daughter over-night (let alone 3 nights!!) Not to mention I had NOTHING packed and NOTHING prepared for my mom (who was going to watch my daughter for 3 days)!  I was in a panic and quite emotional.

A lot of you are probably thinking "suck-it-up, buttercup, we all have to do it at some point", others are probably thinking "why wouldn't you be excited to have some 'me' time?!"  Well, you see...it's not that I couldn't use some "me" time, or that I feel like I am the only poor soul that has to leave their baby overnight because I know there are many moms that have to do it.  I have come a long way since the traumatic day that I lost my son to SIDS, but I would be lying if I said I never worry about it happening again.  My daughter is 13 months old and I still use an Angel Care monitor at night to detect her breathing (simply for my peace of mind). 

It's not that I don't trust her in the care of other people - even though I am picky about who watches her - it's just that knowing I would be in close proximity to her if something were to happen makes me feel better.  After a child reaches even 6 months of age, their risk of SIDS is greatly reduced, but it doesn't mean it can't happen.  So, I still worry about it somewhat, and that is probably something I will never get over...even with any babies in the future.

That being said, I also miss my baby girl terribly and I can't wait to get home!  I have enjoyed having a few drinks, visiting my brother-in-law and nephew, and going shopping and eating at the Cheesecake Factory for the first time...yes, that piece of chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake was worth every single calorie!  I have one more day of training tomorrow and then I am home bound.

But with that, I am going to sign-out, watch American Idol, and get some shut-eye.  :)